colleen hurll counselling

7 Things Pre-Marriage Counselling Can Do for You

Pre-Marital Counselling

Believe it or not, pre-marriage counselling can be a romantic and affirming experience for you and your future spouse. Sure, it helps you go into marriage with your eyes wide open, your expectations reasonable, and your relationship skills honed, but it will also remind you why you are getting married in the first place. It will give you a firm foundation, hope, and a positive outlook for a loving and long-lasting marriage.

Pre-marriage counselling can:

1) Clarify life plans:

You may have talked about your future lives together a zillion times, but there is still something to be said for formalising your plans. Maybe your partner assumed your kids would be cared for solely by you, but you had planned on sending them to daycare. Such things may not be dealbreakers, but there is a lot of comfort in not feeling blindsided by unexpected points of view leading to disagreements.

2) Instil good communication habits:

If you are used to discussing problems and feelings, it will be easier to communicate the first time you get really upset by your partner. Perhaps when one of you makes a seriously stupid mistake, the other one can open the discussion in a respectful manner, rather than with lots of screaming or the silent treatment. Good effective communication is the key to being able to resolve most issues in a relationship.

Also remembering to have fun on a regular basis and keep the romance alive.

3) Give you a format for discussing arguments:

You know you won’t agree all the time, but do you have a plan for what to do when things get really personal? If you can understand and appreciate each other’s point of view, even when you disagree, you can each feel as though you are always heard. And when it becomes obvious that you are different people with different ideas, you can decide how and where to work together, rather than admitting defeat or building a wall of resentment.

4) Help you understand how each of you deals with various stressors and how you can work together to get through them:

Of course, people have different feelings about finances, in-laws, problems at work, and any number of things, but when marriage partners react completely differently to stress, it is easy to feel disconnected. For example, some people want to talk about the things that stress them out and some people want to be alone with their thoughts. Knowing which type your partner is helps you better manage the stress. If you want to talk and they don’t, you can try first giving them some time and then scheduling a sit-down, so you are both served in your preferences.

5) Help you learn how to make financial goals together:

Perhaps you and your fiancé are not on the same page in terms of your finances. Agreements need to be made, compromises too – best to know-how before you start your life together.

6) Commitment make it a priority:

Every long-term relationship has rough patches every now and again, commitment is about hanging in there and working through those rough patches together. Recalling what it is that you love and admire about your partner as well as good communication skills, can help overcome and work through difficult times.

7) Prepare you to make adjustments:

The process of pre-marriage counselling asks you to really think about who you two are as people and how your lives are going to mesh. It won’t be long before you realise you might need to adjust some of your expectations. Adjustments are part of the journey of marriage and might be necessary as life goes on. For example, handling a redundancy or job loss, or an unexpected illness. The best-laid plans are made to be amended. And since you will have already spent some time with an impartial professional, you can be prepared to use counselling again if needed some time down the line.


If you’re getting married and would like to organise pre-marriage counselling, please contact me on 0413 181 320 for a FREE 15-minute phone consultation on how I can help you.

Colleen Hurll, Counsellor and Psychotherapist

  • Sydney Health Connections,
    Level 3, Suite 304,
    12 Century Circuit,
    Norwest NSW 2153
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